Measuring Up {or Why You’ll Never be as Good as Her}

Standard

The neighbor down the street who wears a size nothing and has her hair curled perfectly everyday. You’re never going to measure up to her.

The mom at the school who volunteers for everything and always makes so many dang crafts for the class. Yeah, you’re not going to measure up to her either.

The lady at the park whose kids obey perfectly every. single. time. and who never raises her voice. Keep dreaming sister.

These are the voices we hear in our head. These are the lines that we feed ourselves. This is the poison that we drink every single day as women.

And the truth? You are never going to be as good as her. You know why? Because in your mind, she is perfect. And no matter how hard you strive and fight and change yourself to be like her, she will always be just {this far} ahead of you in your quest to perfection.

If every time you look in the mirror you see your face overshadowed by hers, you’ll never measure up. If every time you do something for your kid’s friends and compare it to Ms. Martha Stewart herself, you’re never going to attain it. If your kids throw a fit and you are thinking of her at the time, you’ll always be a failure.

But you are not her.

And also she doesn’t think she measures up either.

It’s a sickness so many women carry with us wherever we go. Go to the store. Compare. Turn on the internet. Compare. Read a magazine. Compare. Go to church. Compare. Play group. Compare. Business event. Compare.

WE HAVE GOT TO STOP.

We have got to learn to see the beauty and value of being ourselves. We have got to learn to look in the mirror and the joy hidden in a laugh line. We’ve got to learn to appreciate the softness of a body that has birthed a child, or the gray hairs of a women who has really lived, or the probably-too-loud-to-be-socially-acceptable laugh that sneaks out sometimes, or the tooth that is so perfectly imperfectly crooked, or the eyes that have seen so many wonderful things.

We would never hold another to the standard of beauty that we hold ourselves to.

We all know the truth. We all know that the women in the magazine starve themselves to play their part and that even then they are photo shopped and altered in search of elusive perfection. We look at our daughters and see nothing but gorgeous but fail to appreciate the fact that those same eyes or smile or nose or chin are living on our own face.

It is time for we, as women, to learn to look at ourselves in the mirror and pause for a moment. Stop trying to fix what’s broken and just pause. Look for something lovely. Find something beautiful. Learn to smile at yourself. Learn to appreciate yourself.

When someone compliments you, stop trying to fight it. Receive it because it is true.

Stop talking about your diet or your fat butt or your jeans that are too tight. Seek health because it will increase your quality of life. Seek health because you value yourself. But stop striving to have the perfect body because you’re never going to get there.

There is beauty in imperfection and loveliness in acceptance.

I am me. I accept myself and love myself. I am beautiful. I am lovely.

Let this be our mantra so that we, as women, can create a better world for ourselves and for generations to come.

For more thoughts on the beauty of me: http://www.welcometomybrain.net/2014/01/the-beautiful-in-me.html

And remember, we all have hard days.

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6 thoughts on “Measuring Up {or Why You’ll Never be as Good as Her}

  1. So true. It’s kinda like that saying “grass is always greener on the other side”. Everyone is human, and no one is perfect but we view ourselves as never being good enough as the next person. I know I’m guilty of it, it’s a hard thing to break. Great post though bringing light onto the topic!

  2. Here’s the thing, we have to raise our daughters, we have to support our female friends, and we have to do better by each other all along the way in order for this to change.

    I don’t feel like this, ever. I’m far from perfect (I wouldn’t even put that on myself) but I do not aspire to be like some fictitious ideal I see in another woman or another mother because I have lived a rich enough and deep enough and tragedy stricken enough life to know that it IS a mirage, just like the photoshopped images on magazine covers and just like the celebrities who lose their baby weight and then some in the first months post partum.

    And, we have to stop buying into the false notion that there is a better, some aspirational idea of a ‘better’ mother. The best mother any child can have is one who is secure in her abilities, aware of her limitations, and overflowing with unconditional love for her children.

    My mother was conditional and we were only good enough if we played by her rules. But, along the way, I was fortunate enough to have female mentors that instilled in me that I was enough just as I was as long as I used the talents I had. Without their guidance, I would likely be destined to trying to keep up with the Joneses.

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